Jokes

Church Lady
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

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Supermarket
The new supermarket near our house has an automatic
water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before
it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and
the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing
and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck
and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing
aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh
buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

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Cherokee wisdom
For all of you who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you open a box of chocolates.

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Cherokee woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Cherokee woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Cherokee woman.
The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates.
I got it for my husband".

The Cherokee woman was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said,
"Good trade."

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Seniors Having Babies . . .

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

"May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked,
"May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?""WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to
wait until he CRIES??"

"BECAUSE I forgot where I put him."